In relationships, it is well known than men
are mostly jealous about sex, while women are mostly concerned about emotional
attachments.
Dr
David Whitehouse, BBC News Online science editor
What Happens when
you become Jealous?
It might not be a "jealousy center," but
scientists suspect the brain's left frontal cortex, which deals in emotions
like shame, is involved.
Another key player is your noggin's dopamine system; it
regulates the chemical associated with happiness or reward.
Spurred by the above are the three types of jealousy:
* Reactive jealousy happens after your mate
has actually deceived you. You know he strayed and feel PO'ed, anxious, or sad.
(Ditto if, for example, you caught your BFF out with a fun new friend.)
* Suspicious jealousy rears its head when you
see him flirting with someone else or if you start to doubt his commitment. Cue
feelings of insecurity and distrust.
* Delusional jealousy takes over when either
of the above swell to the point of obsession, a la Fatal Attraction. You might
act irrationally (freaking if he ogles an actress) or fanatically (creepily
checking up on him).
Once you're green-eyed, you might have trouble seeing
anything else—quite literally. A study found that women in the throes of
jealousy had trouble spotting obvious objects. The greater their jealousy, the
harder time they had. (Note to self: No driving while jealous!)
Jealousy might also kick-start the body's stress
response. Enter an overflow of stress hormones, spiked blood pressure, and an
increased heart rate.
Scientific Reasons of Jealousy
When it comes to women and jealousy, most will agree that
a little bit of the “devil’s juice”, is healthy. However, one may wonder what
separates women with hormonal related jealousy and insecurity-driven jealousy.
Or, if there is even a difference between the two.
When you think about jealousy and women being in the same
room, most think it’s driven by insecurities. It can be the downfall to a lot
of relationships. A common gripe in relationships is that you hear men venting
about how they love their girlfriend, they appreciate and cherish her entire
being, but her jealousy is out of control. He can’t go out with his buddies,
can’t have friends of the opposite gender, etc. Although insecurities may play
a part in it, studies show hormones may be to blame. Let’s face it ladies, it
isn’t so bad having another scientifically proven study to explain our “crazy”
antics.
A study was conducted by Psychologist, Dr. Craig Roberts
from Stirling University. The study took place over the course of three months.
A total of 275 women between the ages of 17-35, took various versions of birth
control containing synthetic forms of estrogen and progesterone. Both hormones
bring out what is referred to as the “green-eyed monster”, which heightens a
woman’s suspicion of her man’s fidelity. It was found that the women who had
been taking contraceptives with higher levels of estrogen were more likely to
experience jealousy. On the other end of the spectrum, subjects who were taking
progesterone-only versions of birth control experienced minimal to no increase
in jealousy.
With this information now fresh in mind, when looking at
which birth control brand is suited best for you, take a look at the packet. If
you happen to see the word, “ethinylestradiol”, that is a key sign that
particular birth control contains a high amount of estrogen. The study shows that
women taking these types of contraceptives will find it less likely to form and
maintain relationships, especially healthy ones. Dr. Roberts suggests that
women and pharmaceutical providers are not fully aware of the impact and
severity high levels of estrogen have on women.
Another study conducted at the University of Haifa,
located in Israel found similar findings. In this study, there were 56
participants who completed two separate sessions. The purpose of this study was
to explore the effects of Oxytocin, also known as the “love hormone”. During
the first session, half were given Oxytocin while the other half were provided
with placebos. During the second session the groups switched. Oxytocin has been
proven to have positive effects on positive feelings. For those not aware,
Oxytocin is released into the body during childbirth and during love-making.
On the flip end of this, Oxytocin is also known to
increase levels of aggression. To test this out, after the participants were
administered the drug they were asked to play a game of luck with a competitor.
These people were given three doors to pick from, and behind which door they
chose they were awarded a sum of money they were allowed to keep. Their
competitor was playing next to them and could see the amount they won. If they
happened to win more than their competitor the study had shown they were
experiencing negative feelings such as envy.
Jealousy and Menopause
There is one of the good things for women at Menopause
that you do not care about birth control, however, the hormonal changes are
more critical during the transition and post-menopausal period. With hormones
playing games inside your body, you may experience the same unpredictable and unaccountable
changes in emotional wellbeing, mood, and intimate relations perception. You
may be a nice sweet girl in the morning, and furious bitch around the afternoon
hours, just to end up the day as completely tired and indifferent creature.
Jealousy outbursts may also follow up the hormonal
changes in the body, but is there a general pattern that jealousy level gets
worse at menopause? Nope. Older women earn life wisdom and frequently able to
distinguish between the real reasons for being enraged from the reasons, made
up by hormonal hide-and-seek games.
If hormones are the problem source, the general practice
of balancing the hormones, and engaging in the healthy lifestyle activities
might significantly improve the situation and smooth the negative effects.
There are also psychological recommendations to assess the relationship and
establish the healthy and reasonable reactions map to the triggers, perceived as
a threat for the intimate relationship.
Here are some recommendations…
Understand the
Consequences: It Is Insulting
Ladies, it is understandable that this emotion cannot be
controlled most of the time. Surely the actions that ensue from this emotion
are able to be controlled, but the feeling tends to overcome all other internal
feelings. However, one of the most effective ways to subdue this emotion to
abolish it, is to realize just how insulting it is for your partner. Chances
are, your partner did not provide you with a reason to feel insecure nor
jealous, so it is best to understand the emotional toll this is taking on them.
When you feel a sense of compassion and empathy, other issues seem to vanish.
Embrace Your
Originality: Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
When you compare yourself to others in terms of physical
looks, humor, affluence, and success, you are detracting from all of the
wonderful things that you are. Being
original is the greatest thing that you can be and though you might not believe
this, there are people who desire to be just like you as well.
Fear Is Okay– You
Will Survive
Being afraid to lose the person you are with is
inevitable. However, and though it may not be what you desire to do, creating
an understanding that every action has a reason and that every outcome has a
happy ending will allow you to simply live for the day rather than a future you
are apprehensive about. Additionally, this jealousy might prematurely end the
relationship, so it is best to be mindful of that.
Distinguish
Between Fiction and Reality
The human mind is very convincing and endlessly tricky. Often,
you are able to believe the things that you are the most fearful of.
Essentially, if you imagine that your partner is unfaithful, your brain’s
natural reaction is to make sense of the overproduction of the fear and stress
hormones, cortisol and adrenaline, by creating scenarios in your mind that are
untrue. Understand that what you imagine is not reality and remain aware of
that fact each day.
Love Yourself by
Understanding What You Offer
Once you realize the positive attributes about yourself,
an understanding will be created that you are special and worthy enough for
anyone, let alone your partner. Compile a list of what you enjoy about yourself
and even enlist the help of your family or friends. Doing this will allow you
to realize your worth and you will be surprised about how many qualities there
are to appreciate about you.
Assess the Relationship: Why Did It Start?
Much like determining the positive characteristics of
yourself, you should repeat the same process with your relationship. Answer the
questions:
·
Why did the relationship start?
·
What makes it so special?
·
Why did you and your partner choose one another
over anyone else?
Answering these questions will strengthen both of
you as a couple while concurrently abolishing your jealousy that has stemmed
from uncertainty.
Talk About It to Determine the Cause of Jealousy
Hiding your jealousy will only weaken the relationship
and put you in a dangerous spiral of self-dislike, sadness, and continual envy.
The best route to take is to share your feelings with your partner. From there,
assess where your jealousy could be coming from:
·
Does your partner have a lot of female friends?
·
Did they once give you a reason to feel
protective?
·
Are you battling low self-esteem?
All of these questions should be answered together and
solutions should be proposed that will abate this problem.
Shift Your Focus
to Something More Positive
Despite your efforts, jealousy sometimes continues to
linger in your mind. This natural reaction is nothing to be ashamed of, but
shifting your focus is of the utmost importance for when you feel as if you are
in a losing battle. Consider taking up a hobby or really concentrating on being
happy with your partner. Do more activities together, talk more together, and
just share an honest policy in all that you do. Changing your environment is
often the best way to form these life-changing habits.
Beyond a shadow of a doubt, relationships are difficult.
Women are creatures of habit, but few understand that negative habits result in
irregular brain patterns that will only further contribute to an unfavorable
lifestyle. Being mindful of yourself is always of the utmost importance while
being open with your partner is crucial in abolishing certain mindsets
entirely. Welcoming your individuality and what you have to offer is the most
advantageous action, and altering your concentration to be more positive will
lift the concerns if all else fails. Jealousy is natural and often inevitable,
but it does not need to be a life sentence if you make necessary changes and
accept it for what it simply is. You are not a green-eyed monster but are
instead a woman in tune with her feelings, a factor that is more admirable than
unfavorable.
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