Friday, July 17, 2015

A menopausal poem

Author: Debbie Bamsey

You don't know hate until you reach this age
You think you'll die from suppressing rage
You cry at nothing - and it's often a surprise
You can't make it stop so you have puffy red eyes

And always in places that cause you shame
So you have to say sorry, its the menopause to blame
Then we have flushes oh they're a delight
Sweat like a pig and no sleep at night

Steaming up windows when it's 90 degrees
And feeling orgasmic when u find a breeze
You have frizzy hair looking dull and dead
As a fountain spontaneously springs from your head

I got cooling bands and more than one fan
And I use them in public I don't give a damn
Mood swings are next I'm sorry to say
As The raving psycho comes out to play

I'll give you an example - this is true its from me
Twas sunny warm morning and I happen to see
A bloke with a scarf, a thick coat and a hat
And I thought god he looks stupid dressed like that

Then this anger rose up and wouldn't go away
And that's how I stayed for the rest of the day!!!
There's often no logic and you know not why
You want to shoot birds right out of the sky

Or smash up things you can't do without
Or snap at loved ones - grimace and shout
And your face will betray you with a will of its own
As it shows all the things that you never want known

Then your brain will progressively make things worse
By making your mouth rant swear and curse
Then one day it zaps your diplomacy gene
So you blurt out the truth regardless how mean

Or emptying it completely at awkward times
So your left with silence or frantic mimes
And you feel like a not right when you've ranted and bawled
At your kid who is dumbstruck as you forget what they're called

Or your standing bewildered wondering why your there
And you rack your brain - but it's just full of air
One day you'll wake up and find hair in your snout
And you’ll think what the hell is this all about

Your skin gets thinner just like grannies
Then pubes fall out and we get bald fannies
Your boobs go south and make friends with your belly
That's often bloated like a big bowl of jelly

And your crevices get rashes that itch like fun
But with brain disengaged you tell everyone
Don't matter how private you were before
Your dignity's gone its not there anymore

Sleep my old friend I remember you well
Enjoy while you can cos your clock goes to hell
More than 3 hours is my current goal
All cos you've lost your bladder control

Yes this is the worse of the menopause woe
- make sure you work that pelvic floor
Don't laugh very long, or cough or sneeze
Or you'll find yourself wet way past your knees

And I know this will sound incredibly sad
But always carry an incontinence pad
The last thing on this you need to know
Those muscles depart, you can't stop mid flow

And sex - I'll be brutal, no need for code
It's like throwing a chip up Station Road
No wonder they call it the change of life
It's a bloody nightmare, - total strife

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