Saturday, November 26, 2011

20 Practical Ways on How to Learn Loving Yourself

“Joy brings a happy, almost elated feeling that inspires gratitude. When we are burdened with sadness and fatigue, even thinking about joy seems artificial and absurd. Yet even under the most challenging circumstances, it is possible to take some small step that reconnects us to the lilt of joy. A loving gesture, a token of appreciation, or a humorous exchange can offer welcome release and provide a sunnier outlook. Scientific research suggests that active appreciation and gratitude stimulates the highest brain functions. Cheerfulness sharpens our intelligence, activating the sword of knowledge that can cut though emotionality, putting ego out of commission and releasing vital energy. Happy people are not ruled by their emotions.”

-- Arnaud Maitland, Living Without Regret 

At every stage of life one thing is true: You’re the one constant in your own life and the one person you can truly count on. If you don’t love yourself, then you’re in deep trouble. It’s very important to love yourself since sometimes you are all you have. So, it’s up to you! 

Interesting enough, all women spend their teenage years going through a stage of self-discovery and substantial hormonal changes, but when they enter perimenopause and menopause, they usually go through the similar life stage, thou on the very different level.

I bet you remember pretty well the precious moments in your youth when you were really alive, hopeful for the future, purposefully positive about who you were and what you wanted to become? Remember how you loved yourself then, in that shining instant when everything was possible? You can be that person again. No matter the disappointments, no matter what heartaches, no matter the dim, dusty years that have passed since then, you are here, now. It is another day, another hour, another moment. As the quantum physicists say, we indeed do create our own reality. It simply takes our conscious intention to realize and manifest what we really want, who we really are, and then create the courageous attention, moment by moment, to make it happen.

You are loveable. You are loving. You can attract other loving people to you, once you realize how much you have to offer to yourself and to others. 


Many women report that they are glad to no longer have their monthly periods and all of the hormonal or just physical issues that accompanied their periods. They feel a freedom from having to be concerned about pregnancy and birth control. There is a sense of more energy, and a sense of freedom that comes without the biological drive to be mother, helper, and nurturer. Many women turn their attention to those things in life they have put aside. Some start new careers or businesses. Others take up creative pursuits like photography or painting, while others travel to places they have wanted to see. These women have a positive attitude.

These women, who dread menopause, see it as unnatural or a sign of old age have more problems enjoying the transition during perimenopause. They report more symptom issues. Negative attitudes result in negative experiences.

Louise Hay, in her book You Can Create An Exceptional Life, admitted. “I’ve faced the same challenges most people do as they age—wrinkles, weight gain, stiffness, hair loss, and noticing that young men no longer look longingly at me. But there’s no use making myself miserable about things I cannot change. We’re all going to age. I’ve just made a decision to take care of myself and love myself no matter what”. 

Do you know, that happiness, self-acceptance, and positive attitude does not only make your life better and more fulfilling, but also extends it significantly? You get extra 4 to 10 years of life, according to Ed Diener, PhD, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and coauthor of a recent review of more than 160 studies on happiness and health. The scientific reasoning is straightforward and understandable even for non-professionals. For one thing, negative feelings can harm your physical health. Depression has been associated with increased systemic inflammation, which is connected to heart disease, cancer and other serious conditions. Not feeling bad gets you only so far, though. “Research shows that being truly happy and feeling positive provides health and longevity benefits in addition to what you gain from the absence of negative emotions,” Diener notes.

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Easy? Not really!

It is easy to give smart advice to love yourself, love your body, love your mind, love everybody around. But, that might not be easy to follow at the dark moments, when your hormones are dancing rock-and-roll in your body or playing hide-and-seek, when you have terrible headaches, and it seems that there is no light and hope ahead.

If you feel you are in dead-end, and you do not know how to start loving yourself, review several practical recommendations, choose those, which look more promising and suitable for you and start following. Do not expect magic and instant recovery. Just believe that it is the only way to live happy and healthy life, you deserve, and believe that you can do that. You can become a person you want to see yourself.

Practical Recommendations

Learning to love yourself starts with making a conscious decision, an intention to become happy and lead a fulfilled life. When you do not love yourself and suffer from low self esteem, it is almost impossible to ever reach the potential that you suspect you have.

“Love yourself first and everything falls into line.”(Lucille Ball)

So if you’ve decided on loving yourself but are as equally stumped on how to love yourself, here are some recommendations which can be helpful:

  1. Fall in love with yourself. Think about what makes you You. Just like a flower that needs watering to grow, learn to nurture yourself in every way. Love yourself for all the good that you see and accept your flaws and the fact that you are imperfect. This does not mean that you do not learn to change from your shortcomings; instead, you are being gentle and kind to yourself despite all your “flaws”. Do not compare yourself with young models on TV, or with Google executives, which career might look far more attractive. Simply look in the mirror and fall in love with the reflection that is You.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”(Oscar Wilde)

  1. Eliminate Self Criticism. Do you often berate yourself over the tiniest thing? Is there a little voice inside your head that often tells you that you are no good because you are stupid or make mistakes? If you find that you criticize yourself often, make an effort to stop the self criticism.
  1. Be Kind and Positive. When you start to think kindly and positively about yourself, the love you have for yourself just grows. Make it a habit to praise yourself every day, while in the front of the mirror. Because of such thoughts, you naturally undertake empowering actions that support your development. You really think you are old and unattractive? That is nonsense! If you accept yourself as you are, if you like yourself as you are, surrounding people will feel your charm and your attractive looks and personality.

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  1. Acknowledge Your Effort. It is not always about winning or coming up tops in everything that you do. Many times, it is the effort that counts! Acknowledge that you have done your best, even if you have failed to produce tangible results. Use the “baby steps’ approach and celebrate even a minor victory on the way of self-improvement.
  1. Let Go Of Worry. Loving yourself requires you to let go of your worry. It is a horrible way to live a life filled with constant worrying. Worry does not help in any way. It cannot, on its own, make things happen. Only wise actions can! So instead of worrying, spend time thinking about what you can do to help in the situation. If the situation is beyond your control, then make a request to the Universe/God about what you want. Next, surrender your outcome.
“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.”(Epictetus)

  1. Trust Yourself. Have confidence in your abilities. Know that you have the ability to make important changes for yourself, for as long as you put your heart to it. You can also support yourself by visualizing desired outcomes.
“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”(Benjamin Spock)

  1. Forgive Yourself. If you have made mistakes in the past that had caused you to feel less worthy, then you need to forgive yourself. All of us make mistakes; so there really is no need to beat yourself up over them. Also, if you have been carrying around a baggage of emotional hurt because of a childhood trauma, learn to forgive yourself. Sometimes, it is easier to forgive others, than yourself, and the guild of past may go ahead though your whole life. Let it go, and do not be too harsh on yourself.
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”(Lewis B. Smedes).

  1. Be Truthful To Yourself. Loving yourself requires you to be truthful about your own feelings. If you are happy, acknowledge the joy. If you are sad, acknowledge the sorrow. When you are truthful about your feelings, you do not try to lie to yourself or seek to bury your negative emotions. Instead, acknowledging what you feel provides a good guide to what your thoughts are. And as we all know, thoughts can be changed, so that healing and self growth can take place.
  1. Grow Spiritually. When you spend time growing spiritually, loving yourself becomes automatic. You become more peaceful, connected, kind, loving and compassionate. You nurture a mind that grows more beautiful by the day. You naturally love yourself in the process.
  1. Make Positive Affirmations Every Day. Reframe your mind with positive affirmations. For instance, say this to yourself “I love and accept myself completely and unconditionally.” Read your affirmations out loud several times a day. Remember, what you have been told when you just started your professional career? Fake it before you make it. So, if even it is not absolute truth at the moment, it is the target you want to achieve in the near future.
  1. Express Gratitude. Express gratitude for the person that you are. For instance, cultivate an appreciation for your strengths and gifts. Also, feel a sense of gratitude that you are alive and well, and fully capable of making a difference in your life.
  1. Nurture Your Dreams. Why deny yourself your dreams? When you nurture your dreams, you would love the life that you are leading. Every moment that you live is a joy because you are expressing yourself fully.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover” (Mark Twain)

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  1. Boost Your Self Confidence. Make a deliberate attempt to look for opportunities that can help improve your confidence. For instance, if you are particularly good at doing something, set aside more time to indulge and improve your skills on it. Knowing that you have particular gifts can boost your self esteem.
  1. Relax. Give yourself space to take breaks every now and then. If you spend your time working, without paying attention to your health, it also means that you do not love yourself well enough to take care of your own body. Fill your time with silence, soothing music and visions of beauty; anything that nourishes your Soul.
  1. Have Fun. Inject some fun into your life. Life is meant to be an enjoyable. Don’t take life or yourself too seriously. If you can think of life in this manner, you automatically relax and quit worrying over things that do not matter.
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  1. Be Open to New Experience. If you think your life is over, it is your biggest mistake. It may be just beginning to the new life stage, more fulfilling and more enjoyable, that you even had before, in your young years. Be open for new people, new hobbies and activities, and new ideas. You never know, when and how you will be given a chance to enhance your well-being. Do not miss this chance!
  1. Do Not Live for Others. At some point, gloomy desperate thoughts may visit you, telling you that the most important in your life is making your kids, your parents, or your spouse happy, and that is your only destiny. While loving your family and friends is important, do not put yourself in a servant shoes and forget about your own personality, interests, and activities. What is good for YOU, should be one of the most important considerations of your life. You want that others will love and respect you, be first to love and respect yourself. Become selfish with your time for yourself. Do more things for you and evaluate care-giving roles.
  1. Preserve your personal space. Demand and preserve your personal space by learning to set boundaries in your relationships. Speak up for yourself with kindness. Love will appear when you start to notice that you can stand up, speak up, ask for what you need without hurting others.
“You can stand tall without standing on someone. You can be a victor without having victims.” (Harriet Woods).

  1. Look After Your Body. It is important that you strengthen yourself with proper nutrition and regular exercise. Your body is a temple and you should treat it with respect, love and care. It has been found that the lack of self love is often the root causes of conditions like eating disorders, obesity or even terminal diseases.
“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.”(Jim Rohn)

  1. Learn To See Beauty. When you learn to see beauty in everything, you will also see beauty in yourself. Get in touch with nature - take time to be in nature. Go for a walk, look at a sunset, lay on the grass. Nature will help you to get and feel love and see the really important things. Hence, stop to smell the flowers. Notice everything. Feel everything. The pink blush of the flowers in your garden, the greenness of the plains, the whisper of the gentle wind, or the myriad hues of an evening sky.

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