Some women falsely
believe in the wide-spread misconception that menopause signals the end of
their sex lives. Nothing could be further from the truth, and there are no
reasons to believe that the sexual life is over. Yes, menopause
means the end of female fertility, but, by no means, it is not the end of a
woman being a sexual being that requires intimacy and affection. The simple biological
and psychological fact of the matter is that female
orgasm can be reached long after your menopause.
Why sex life may be better after menopause?
There is absolutely
no reason why a woman cannot continue to enjoy a happy and satisfying sex life
during and after the menopause, if she wants to. There is overwhelming medical
and statistical data that many women enjoy wonderful sex lives after they’ve
passed the menopause – and continue to do so for a very long time. There is
some factual evidence that:
- Women who are interested in sex are more
likely to be orgasmic after the menopause than younger females.
- These women are also more likely to be multi-orgasmic!
There are multiple
reasons for that, and we will just mention several of them:
- After the menopause many women are glad
to be able to quit worrying about contraception.
- By the time they reach 50 or so, a lot
of women have gained a great deal of love-making experience and skill.
- Very often, by the time menopause came, they
have already steady, or not so steady, but in any case, quite experienced partners
who actually know what they’re doing in bed!
- The kids are grown and out of the house, so lovers are thrilled that the empty nest has been reclaimed as their love nest.
Menopause can mean
different things for different people. And while some may experience a decrease
in sex drive, other women find that with the right mindset, their sex drive may
actually increase. For some
women, there is a burst of adrenaline that can encourage you to try new things,
change your mindset and live through your 50s, 60s and beyond with vigor and an
adventurous mindset.
In one of the recent
studies performed by Christine Webber, it was conducted a survey among women
aged 45-65. The findings showed that in that age group 26 per cent of women
were definitely up for sex, while 29 per cent “quite liked it”. Only 6 per cent
were not at all keen, and 16 per cent said that they’d be more interested if
they had a new partner!
As stated by the
National Institute of Health, some women actually feel liberated
post-menopause, even reporting an increased interest in sex. In a 2000 study
published in the “Journal of Women’s Health & Gender-Based Medicine,” 65
percent of women between the ages of 51 and 64, and 74 percent of women over 65
engage in sexual activity at least once a week!
The general concept
confirmed by many researchers, is simple. The best predictor of having a good
sex life after menopause is having a good sex life before menopause. Women
who are happy with their premenopausal sex life are a lot more likely to be
able to maintain that satisfaction post menopause.
Sex life challenges after menopause
While there are
reasons to claim that the sex life after menopause can be better, there are
definitely some challenges on the way, mostly associated with general menopause
symptoms, occasionally painful and inconvenient. We are reviewing the
menopausal symptoms in other section of this blog, but here we will list some
briefly, as they are directly related to the sex life:
- Lack of desire. The simple fact of the matter is that
libido can decrease incredibly with menopause. The hormonal changes that
take place during this time of life tend to make sexual
desire drop a whole lot.
- Vaginal pain and
dryness. When estrogen levels
decrease, vaginal
dryness is quite common. Unfortunately, this can lead to painful
intercourse.
- Weight gain. The weight gain that can sometimes go
along with the menopausal stage might add to a feeling of lack of
attractiveness.
- Urinary Incontinence. Involuntary loss of urine can occur
at any age but, after the age of sixty-five, 10 percent of the population
experiences mild to severe leakage. There are different types of
incontinence, but by far the most common in women is stress or “giggle”
incontinence, in which sudden movements or vigorous activity—such as
sex—can result in leaks. Urinary leaks can be disconcerting, and the possibility
of this happening during sex can cause some women to avoid partner sex
altogether.
- Feeling changes. Arousal and orgasm might be harder to
attain after menopause arrives. The hormonal changes are generally to
blame for this.
- Fatigue. Hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, mood swings and irritability can all add up to fatigue. This can quite often add to a reduced sexual drive. Extremely tired people don't necessarily have the greatest interest in intercourse.
How to enjoy your sex life
after menopause?
While there are
obstacles that stand in the way of having fulfilling sexual relationship after
menopause, each of them can be overcome in one form or fashion. Women who want
to enjoy normal sexual activity following menopause will find certain steps
they take can help. These include:
1.
Letting go of the "taboo". Just because menopause has arrived, doesn't
mean a sex life needs to be over. Couples can be and very likely should remain
intimate. Unless there is a medical condition that prevents sexual activity,
taboo need not apply here.
2.
Positive self-image. Women who work to retain their self-esteem
and take menopause with the right attitude tend to do a bit better embracing
sex after its arrival. It might take a little time to get used to the changes,
but rest assured it can be done. The right attitude can go a long way in
helping increase libido and arousal possibilities. You need to believe that
you’re sexually desirable. Maintaining positive body image is a huge part of
this.
3.
Engaging in healthy lifestyle. One of the best ways to amplify your libido
is to work on your health first, which means increasing how much exercise you are
getting. If you are unhealthy physically or emotionally, sex drive will
certainly suffer. Having energy from a healthy diet and regular exercise, along
with good sleep and mental health, are key ingredients in a healthy sex drive.
Reduce alcohol consumption to the reasonable daily amount and stop smoking.
4.
Alternative Medicines. In the case of herbal remedies, there are
two types of herbs that can be used for treating loss of libido:
phytoestrogenic and non-estrogenic herbs. Phytoestrogenic herbs (e.g. Black
Cohosh) contain estrogenic components produced by plants. These herbs, at
first, do treat the hormonal imbalance by introducing these plant-based
estrogens into the body. However, as a result of adding outside hormones, a woman’s
body may become less capable of producing estrogen on its own. This causes a
further decrease of the body’s own hormone levels. By contrast, non-estrogenic
herbs don't contain any estrogen. These herbs stimulate a woman’s hormone
production by nourishing the pituitary and endocrine glands, causing them to
more efficiently produce natural hormones. This ultimately results in balancing
not only estrogen, but also testosterone. Non-estrogenic herbs (e.g. Macafem)
can be considered the safest way to treat loss of libido naturally as the body
creates its own hormones and doesn’t require any outside assistance.
5.
Compensating for the estrogen loss. Hormone replacement therapy may or may not
be the answer, but there are other options, too. Lubricants can help with the
pain and dryness. Kegel exercises are useful for helping the body retain its
muscle tone and can even help in the production of natural lubricants. This
helps not only with urge incontinence but also strengthens the muscles that
support the pelvic organs. There are other more or less medically proven
solutions to help with your hormonal misbalance:
·
Hormone Creams: Hormone creams that
contain estrogen can be applied to the vagina in order to increase blood flow.
This blood flow should allow for increased sensitivity and easier orgasm.
·
Hormone Replacement
Therapy (HRT): HRT is still viewed by some professionals as the most
successful menopause treatment. However, lately research has yielded conflicting results regarding its effectiveness.
Estrogen can, however, make intercourse less painful by treating vaginal
dryness and can help reduce other symptoms that may be complicating your
sex life.
·
Testosterone
Replacement Therapy (TRT): New research suggests that testosterone plays a
major role in the female sex drive. A new testosterone patch has been shown to
improve sex drive in women by up to 75%. This patch is not yet approved, but
similar testosterone therapy is available. Side effects can include increased
cancer risk, rapid hair growth, and a deepened voice.
6. Educate yourself about your body. Educate yourself about your anatomy, sexual function, and
the normal changes associated with aging, as well as sexual behaviors and
responses. This may help you overcome your anxieties about sexual function and
performance.
7. Time
for intimacy. Scheduling sex into your calendar may seem contrived and
boring. But making intimacy a priority can help put your sex drive back on
track.
8. Touching and intimacy. After the
menopause, touching and intimacy can sometimes become more important than the
physical pleasure of penetrative sex. This need to touch and be touched,
physically and emotionally, is well worth nurturing. Such contact offers
reassurance and comfort and the opportunity to show tenderness, companionship
and love.
9. Communication. Talk to
your partner and let him or her know about any issues or changes. Many lovers
want to be supportive and in-the-know, but are often too shy to ask. Allow your
partner to be part of the process, especially when it comes to your better sex
efforts. Practice
and experiment with more non-coital behaviors (physically stimulating activity that does not
include intercourse), such as sensual massage, dancing, and sensual touching.
These activities can be used to promote comfort and increase communication
between you and your partner.
10. Using erotic materials. Many sex therapists recommend the use of filmed or written erotica to
encourage sexual interest, and erotic material is readily available for every
taste and interest.
11. Masturbation. Pleasuring yourself
regularly can keep her vagina sexually “fit,” as in flexible and suppler.
Exercising your pelvic floor muscles on a regular basis can further make for
healthy muscle tone. Remember that it is a self-affirming sexual activity and is eminently useful in helping to
discover different routes to sexual pleasure. In national studies, up to 40
percent of women report that they masturbate on a regular basis, but this
incidence may be lower for older women. Many older women, raised in more
conservative cultures, may remember being discouraged (or even punished) for
masturbating as children, and may still be reluctant to engage in this
pleasurable sexual activity. Ultrasound images have captured male and female
fetuses masturbating in the uterus; these images confirm that masturbation is
an innate and entirely normal part of sex!
12. Clitoris stimulation. The majority of
women over age 50, and many under 50, cannot climax with penile-vaginal
lovemaking because the vagina
is not the source of an orgasm, the clitoris
is. It takes continual and prolonged stimulation of the clitoris for older
women to achieve an orgasm. A vibrator can provide this stimulation if other
techniques are not effective.
13.
Increased foreplay. Menopausal women might require extra
stimulation to achieve arousal. Increased foreplay, cuddling and coaxing when
mixed with proper lubricants can go a very long way. This can also help with
the attainment of orgasm after menopause. The truth is achieving an orgasm
might be harder than it once was, but it is not at all out of the question.
Also, for many postmenopausal women, the fact that their husbands take longer
to reach a climax becomes a bonus; it makes love-making far more enjoyable than
when they were younger and everything seemed to be over in a matter of
breathless seconds. This more prolonged love-making can provide time for both
partners to explore new sensations and enjoy a variety of feelings.
14.
Experimenting. This may involve using a vibrator for more
direct and intense stimulation to elevate arousal. Couples will also want to
try positions offering greater comfort, like spooning, or ones where she’s more
in charge, like woman-on-top.
15.
Having
regular sex. Doing so helps
to prevent the pain from thinning vaginal walls, which can become severe with
menopause and aging.
16.
Getting engaged in couples’ therapy. If your sex life is not what you want it to
be, get help from professionals. You might need to deal proactively with
non-sexual social and relationship issues that may be negatively affecting your
sexual health. Open dialogue with your partner, often guided by a therapist,
can bring to the surface medical, psychological, and behavioral issues that
might be contributing to the problem. Sex therapy sessions have to be attended
by the couple for maximum benefits. They may significantly improve sex after
menopause.
Sources and Additional Information:
