Menopause
Author: Laura
Tompkins
A creative, comedic, and cathartic take on life's
transitions.
Menopause feels as if your body is possessed by some
alien... a nasty, evil, severely dehydrated alien, who deprives you of any
moisture to your eyes, cells, skin, vagina... well, you get the point. It feels
as if this alien is eating you alive from the inside out, causing your eyes to
lose focus and your skin to be overly sensitive and overcome by this intense
heat that feels like a volcano waiting to erupt... and this angry alien boils
all day and night long.
It feels as if your mind is grieving a loss... like when
someone dies and you walk into a room with a purpose, but when you get there,
you have no idea why you came in the room. It feels as if you have to make a
"to-do" list to do anything and everything lest you forget... like
reminding yourself to breathe. Only what is died is your will to live.
It feels as if you are gaining weight because your heart
is beating and your lungs are still functioning, and not because you are
consuming too many calories or failing to exercise... but because your entire
body is breaking down.
It feels as if you are losing your mind because one
minute you are feeling all loving and compassionate and the very next minute
you want to stab someone blind and smash their eyeballs into the ground.
It feels as if your vagina needs to be ripped out and
incinerated, since it is useless for any purpose except to drive you stark
raving mad with itching and burning... as if you have athlete's foot inside
your uterus that will never subside... and you're pretty sure "tough-actin
Tinactin" is not safe for use inside your twat.
It you have sex without a full bottle of KY Jelly, you
might as well have used a sand paper condom. Never mind about an orgasm... that
is for young, healthy women with a purpose to live. And you are only having sex
to keep your man happy; you might never feel horny again.
It feels as if you will never get a full, restful night's
sleep again because you are sweating all night long while your skin crawls like
maggots are fusing in and through your pores.
It makes you feel that death would be preferable to this
most painful existence commonly known as menopause.
You feel envious of your dog who could be put down
humanely when she was too ill to live... but the universe has more sadistic,
torturous plans for you.
And if feels as if every other woman on the planet is
better off than you, even if they're older than you, for at least they have
passed this torturous existence... and you pray that they indeed have,
otherwise you might have to drink the Jim Jones Kool-Aid.
It feels as if your partner is looking at other people
younger and more vibrant than you... and you don't blame him/her for wanting
something a little more fun from life.
The thing you are most looking forward to is when this
horror show is wrapping up and the freak show of being a woman is finally over.
In conclusion, menopause is an alien invasion... an
invasion that reminds you every day that you will be dead soon, and fighting
the inevitable is futile at best.
